I thought nursing a baby was going to be a lot easier. My baby is two weeks old and so far it's mostly tears, hers and mine. What's wrong?

Self reliance is a high value among Americans. Moms think they should be able to just wing it but this rarely works, particularly when baby is crying, nipples are hurting and doctor is suggesting that formula is not a bad idea. Be assured that 1) The sacrifices and discomforts of today are worth it in the long run and 2) There aren't any breastfeeding problems that can't be solved with good help. Get on the phone and talk to La Leche League or a good lactation consultant. (Or send me an email at the address below) You'll always be glad you persevered.

Lots of people, even my doctor, think I should have my husband give my baby a bottle at least once a day because it's a bonding experience.

Bonding is important but it's hardly a new invention. It's been around from the start of the human race and so has the family. Bottles are the new invention and they are mere mechanical objects upon which bonding is in no way dependent (or none of us would be here today). Bonding and attachment are powerful innate behavior. Give them half a chance and they will become strong. Holding and eye contact reinforce bonding.

I'm so tired that mothering is no fun. Is this normal?

No it isn't. The good news is that you can change that starting today. Eat meat, lots of it. No soft drinks, tea or coffee. Cut way back on all carbohydrates. Figure out where the vegetable fats, shortenings and oils are creeping in and banish them (but keep olive oil). Eat butter and don't worry about the natural fat in meat and eggs. Buy some good 'stress B' vitamins. Drink milk. Doesn't sound much like the Food Pyramid? But what have you got to lose at this point? (See Real Food for more info on maintaining a good diet)You'll feel a whole lot better within a day. Thousands of animal studies and generations of farmers attest to the fact that poorly nourished females cannot perform well as mothers. It is a tribute to the triumph of the human spirit that many human mothers do so well while malnourished. People think we are exempt from the laws that govern animal behavior but we're not.

How do I know if my milk is any good?

This is a valid question. It has been a concern since antiquity. Twentieth Century medical opinion held that all women's milk was the same but now it is recognized that the quality of a mother's milk is influenced by her diet and that the quality of your baby is dependent on your milk. The babies of some vegetarian mothers have been diagnosed with 'failure to thrive syndrome'. Except in these extreme cases, your milk will always be superior to formula; upon this you may depend. However following the simple steps as in above FAQ can assure a higher quality milk. If baby throws up don't think your milk is bad. It's for some reason besides milk quality, usually an air bubble or holding him too curled up.

My baby fusses or outright cries from about 5pm 'til bedtime. It's spoiling our evenings. Is there something I can do about this?

Babies and mothers get strung out by late afternoon. Lie down with baby in the middle of the afternoon for at least an hour and nurse while the two of you rest . This may seem simplistic but it's a tried and true method. Your husband and/or older kids will be so relieved to be living with a happy baby that they won't mind about the cold stove. Maybe they will cook. Maybe you'll have something in the oven.

Everybody gives me different advice. How do I know who to believe?

If you feel uncomfortable with the advice or if it is making your baby unhappy, then it's poor advice. You know yourself and your baby better than anyone else, even if this is your first baby. Your maternal instinct sends up a signal particularly against any advice that involves separation or results in crying. Listen to your heart.

How can I be a good mother and still retain my independence?

This is the heaviest question that all new mothers are now asking. Babies wish mothers would forget that word "independence". It implies holding yourself apart. To experience the ecstatic part of motherhood you have to enter unreservedly into the mother/baby relationship. You get to do the drudgery in either case. So resist all the trendy advice and surrender to your baby. You'll be SO much happier. The end result of allowing your child to depend on you will be a child who is both confident and independent. You and your baby are forever; your stuffy critics can go somewhere and suck their thumbs